Without You
by TryDefyingGravity
Summary: ONESHOT SONGFIC The way we hated each other seems trivial now. To Without You from RENT.


Disclaimer: Not mine. Nor is the song.

Summary: ONESHOT SONGFIC The way we hated each other seems trivial now. To Without You from RENT.

Without You

_Without you the ground thaws_

_The rain falls, the grass grows_

_Without you the seeds root_

_The flowers bloom, the children play _

How do I live without you? The world goes on but I can't. Everyone celebrates. The children come out every year on the anniversary of your death and sing. I can't. I disappear into my room and hide until it's all over. I wish they knew the truth, but they can't. They go on without you. Why can't I?

_The stars gleam, the poets dream_

_The eagles fly without you._

_The earth turns, the sun burns_

_But I die without you_

I know how they carry on. They didn't know you. They never understood how you truly were. I had that pleasure. That's not sarcastic. It's just, if I didn't have the enjoyment of being your friend, I wouldn't be feeling like this. Like hell. I wish you were here. No, even better. I wish I were there. It feels like I'm dying without you. Is that true?

I remember the day you died like it was yesterday. I hold your hat to me every night now. It's almost like being back at Shiz. I gave you the hat as a trick, but you grew to love it. The way we hated each other seems trivial now.

_Without you the breeze warms_

_The girl smiles, the cloud moves_

_Without you, the tides change_

_The boys run, the oceans crash_

I see the citizens of Oz smiling now when I am out in the street. Genuine smiles, not the fear filled smiles they had when you were still at large. They greet me with such gratitude, and I never did anything at all. In fact, they should hate me. I went to warn you that they were coming, yet you let yourself go. You let yourself die. How could you be so selfish? Didn't you know how much it would affect me? Did you care?

Don't be silly. Of course you cared. That's _why_ you let them kill you, to keep me safe. No one heard the last words you said to me, not even Chistery. 'Be strong. Only you can defy gravity now. And you can. You can do it. Be strong for me.' I try. That's all I can do. Without you.

_The crowds roar, the days soar_

_The babies cry without you_

_The moon glows, the river flows_

_But I die without you._

Every day that passes brings me nearer to you. I don't know how long it will be, but each day brings me closer to when my time is up. Sometimes I hope it's soon. Sometimes I hope it's not, so I have more time to clear your name. None of the public knows what I'm trying to do. Only I do, and the people have entrusted with my past. When you have been cleared of all charges, I can be happy. I can leave content, knowing that you are no longer the enemy. Then I can die in peace.

_Without you the hand gropes_

_The ear hears, the pulse beats_

_Without you the eyes gaze_

_The legs walk, the lungs breathe._

Everything inside me still functions. Except my heart. That broke the day you and Fiyero ran off without me. It was fixed the day I realized the truth. He loved you. And I could accept that. Because I loved you too. I still do. I'm sure it doesn't matter to you. Unrequited love. Was it, really?

_The mind churns, the heart yearns_

_The tears dry without you_

_Life goes on but I'm gone_

'_Cause I die without you. _

I couldn't count how many tears I cried since that fateful day. I watched you die and I did nothing. Could I have helped you? I don't know. I try not to dwell on it.

I think of you every day. I dream of you at night. I visit Kiamo Ko twice a year – on your birthday and on the anniversary of your death. Fiyero is always in my thoughts as well. I loved you both so much.

Like I said. I still do. But it's so hard. I don't know how people just carry on living, personally. The world has stopped for me, but for everyone else it carries on. Can I make that happen for me?

I could. But it's so hard. Hard to go on. Hard to live.

Without you.

A/N: Ok, that was awful, but I had a go. R and R.


End file.
